Sulu was sitting on the broken half wall of
the veranda as her Appa left for the mansion promising that he
will bring back her mother. When her father’s figure disappeared
in the alley behind the fence, Sulu lay down on the half wall
and thought of the dream that she saw the previous night. Her
mother was back and was hugging her! She has been seeing this
dream quite often now. Sulu was not able to recall the face of
her mother. The pampering alone, the
nearness alone of her mother
who came in her dreams made her happy. When she wakes up in the
morning, she would tell her father, “Appa, I saw the dream.”
Thami never asked her about the dream, for, he knew it. Lying on
the half wall she started waiting for her mother, who till now
appeared only in her dreams. Sulu would be alone in that hut for
the whole day. By the time her Appa is back from work, it will
be dark. That four year old girl stayed alone in that miserable
hut, played alone and when hungry drank kanji from the earthen
pot.
Thami
hung around in the courtyard of that huge mansion. The blazing
sun was right above his head. The trees in the compound invited
him . There it was cool under their shades. But he dared not
move from his position; lest his master came out once again.
“Don’t wait any longer, Thami. You go”. This is what his master
had told him. Half an hour of pleading did not yield any result.
But how can he go back, just like that?
When she was
taken
there by him, he was told,
“Any day you return the money, you can take her back”. It is not
that he has brought the cash today. From where can he arrange
two thousand rupees! No idea about the interest to be paid.
Still he was pleading. Can he take her along with him for a week
at least? No; he cannot live a life like this anymore.
It is dark inside when one looks
through the open door on the north side veranda. So, he saw the
mistress only after she came out of the door.
“Why
Thami, why are you standing like this?”
“Nothing mistress”
“Last
time you came, you told me that Nandini the cow has delivered.
When are you going to bring her?”
“After two days, mistress.
Velayudhan
vaidyar has asked me to give her medicines for two more days.”
“You
should bring her fast. Here the demand for milk is increasing
day by day.”
“Sure mistress.”
“So,
you didn’t tell me what you are waiting for.”
Thami
did not reply, instead scratched his head.
“Whatever be, you can tell me.”
“I had
talked to master about Lachmi.”
Facial expression of mistress changed
suddenly. Without saying a word, she turned back and went
inside. Thami’s eyes searched inside the darkness of the house
for a moment. On other days, he would be called to the kitchen
area and be fed. And a parcel of food items would also be handed
over to him, for his daughter waiting in the house. Nothing of
that sort happened today. He can go back now. And once back
home, he can tell his daughter, “your mother told me that she
will come home some other day.” He slowly walked back.
A pair of eyes, watching him closely from upper veranda
withdrew, as Thami went out of the gate and disappeared behind
the trees. Lakshmi hastily went downstairs. It’s time for her
master to be back after lunch. From the corridor, she entered
the dimly lit centre room of the house where small bats hung
from the ceiling. In a platter, she
neatly spread the tender betel leaves that were plucked early in
the morning from the vines that wound around the mango tree near
the kitchen. And she kept pickled areca nut and fragrant lime
paste along side. After applying on her body the scented rose
water kept hidden in the wall-mounted cabinet smelling of clove,
she went upstairs with the platter in her hand. The brass
platter polished with tamarind was shining.
A cool
and rejuvenated breeze fluttering through the leaves of trees in
the grove entered the large room on the first floor, through the
wooden windows made of bulky square bars of teak wood. She made
up his bed to remove any possible wrinkles. She also ensured
that the pillows were soft. She was free till her master
arrived. Lakshmi sat on the shining floor near the window.
Beyond the grove of trees it is the vast expanse of paddy
fields. She presumed that her husband must have reached home.
Her four year old daughter must have enquired about her mother.
He would have replied, ‘Mother will come soon, Sulu mol’. What
would have been Sulu’s response to that?
Lakshmi
got up when she heard the hefty footsteps on the stairs.
Footsteps could be heard approaching through the corridor.
Through the open door he entered the room, closed the door after
him and bolted it. He hung the upper dhoti on to the wooden peg
fixed on the wall and went straight in to the bath room. Lakshmi
sat at the edge of the cot and started preparing the betel leaf
mixture for him to chew.
Master came out of the bath room
drying his broad
chest
covered with salt-and-pepper hair. He sat on the cot and leaned
against the pillow propped up against the head rest and looked
up at Lakshmi. He was studying her. Without saying a word, she
gave the betel leaf mix with scented lime paste and areca nut
pieces in his hand and sat near him. After putting the mix in
his mouth, he started the conversation.
“Thami
had come”
Lakshmi
didn’t say anything.
“Do you
know why he came?”
“Hmm”
“Do you
think that I will let you go off just like that?”
She did not say anything; instead ran
her black fingers through the hair on his fair chest. He was
opening her blouse buttons. She removed her blouse. And he
adjusted himself to make space for her.
She loves the pungent smell of betel
leaves. She is enthralled with the irresistible attraction when
that smell is mixed with the fragrance of her master’s body. He
was holding her close with his right hand, while his left hand
was busy removing her dhoti. He pressed his hands against her
smooth yet firm lower abdomen.
After
swallowing half of the betel leaf juice, the master said.
“I have
paid two thousand rupees to Thami and you are aware of that.
Isn’t it?”
She
acknowledged that. Her master wouldn’t like it, if his words are
not acknowledged.
“Then
what did Thami say at that time? Do you remember?”
She nearly missed that. On that day,
in front of her, Thami had agreed to everything that the master
had told him. Thami was standing in the middle of the courtyard.
Lakshmi, visibly shaken, was hiding behind him. She still
remembers seeing the master stepping out of that big mansion.
“You
remember everything that you agreed to, isn’t it Thami?” Master
asked him.
“Ooh”
“The
day you are able to bring the amount with interest you can take
her back. Is that clear?”
“Ooh”, Thami said these, partially closing his mouth with his
hand that clutched the towel kept on his shoulder to show
respect.
“Then
let it be” And turning his head towards her he asked. “What is
your name?”
“Lachmi”
“Lakshmi, you go to the veranda near the kitchen on the north
side. Mistress will be there.”
Maids working in the North side
greeted her with mixed feelings. Those who were pounding paddy
ignored her, though many of them were known to her. She became a
recluse in that pounding shed. The labored exhaling sound of the
maids, the muffled sound that the long wooden pestles made while
pounding dry paddy and the sound produced by the sieve while
winnowing grains, made up a melancholy symphony throughout the
day. At noon, she along with other maids had kanji with cooked
lentils. In the evening when the maids went out to collect their
daily
wages she was left alone. She
thought of her daughter and of her husband. A devastating grief
grew within her along with the looming darkness around and she
started crying.
Lakshmi
did not know what to do during night. The mistress did not show
any kindness in her behavior. She was ignoring Lakshmi as if she
was a wretched creature. She could hear mistress talking with
another maid in the kitchen. She could gather the maid’s name as
Madhavi. Through the wooden railings and in the dim light of the
kerosene lamp, she could see her mistress and Madhavi walking
around in the kitchen preparing supper.
Light from a hurricane lamp could be
seen drifting slowly across the west side patio. As it reached
near the place where she was standing, it changed its route and
came within reach of her. The lamp was raised to her face.
Master’s face was full of queries. Nothing was spoken. Light
from the hurricane lamp then moved away. Within five minutes,
Madhavi and the mistress came out of the kitchen. Lakshmi was
escorted to the pond by the maid carrying a clean towel,
body-oil in an oil pot, fragrant toilet soap and washed and
ironed dhotis. After bathing, she returned wearing new dresses
smelling of naphthalene balls kept in the trunk to ward off
insects. She was served special food in the kitchen. There was
visible change in the behavior of the maid. The arrogance seen
on the maid’s face while serving kanji in the noon while Lakshmi
was sitting along with other maids had
softened. The
Mistress too behaved nicely.
Now when she is lying in her master’s
embrace in his bed, she thought of the route she travelled. In
the course of days and months and not fully conscious of what is
happening, she was transferred from the pounding shed to the
kitchen, from the kitchen through the corridor and wooden stairs
to the first floor of the mansion and then to the master’s
bedroom. Time made everything look natural;
even the sense of what she is doing faded away in the blazing
light of reality. Whenever the
thought of her husband or her beloved daughter waiting in the
hut surfaced in her mind she would exclaim, ‘God, what is all
this about?’
“Why
are you silent?” her master repeated the question “Don’t you
remember what Thami agreed to on that day?”
“Hmm”
She responded. “Even then, I would like to see my daughter; at
least once.”
‘Hmm’, Master said this with stress
in his voice.
Next
day when she was making morning tea in the kitchen for her
master, mistress asked. “Is it not today that your daughter is
coming to visit you?”
“Is
it?” She asked.
“Didn’t
anyone tell you?”
“Master
did not tell me anything.”
“A
message has been sent to Thami. How long is it since you saw
your daughter?”
Two years! Maybe three years! She had
lost count of years. Sulu must have grown up by now. Taking the
cup of tea with her, she went upstairs. Master had got up from
bed and was waiting for her. While he was sipping tea sitting
propped up against the pillow placed against the head board of
the cot, she sat
at the
edge of the cot.
“My
daughter will be brought here today, isn’t it?” There was
gratitude in her voice.
“Hmm”
There was unusual stress in his voice. “Let her come in the
morning and go back in the afternoon.”
“Sure”
“I have
asked Kanaran to buy two pairs of dresses for your daughter.”
“Is
it!” master noticed with satisfaction the exaltation on her
face.
“You
know why I am doing all these?”
“Hmm”
“Tell
me, why I am doing this.”
“It’s
because you love me.”
“You
know that! So, treat me with fervor.”
“Hmm”
She was
walking aimlessly; through the corridor, through each room and
the kitchen with her impatient eyes always fixed at the gate.
Rather, beyond that. Beyond those paddy fields where sunlight
made ripples and even beyond that, where only her mind could
reach; beyond the pathways and the alleys where the small girl’s
feet would now be taking the little steps. How she wished she
could go near the fence to look beyond that vast expanse of
field to see her little girl coming from far away. But that area
is forbidden to her. Master had told her so.
“You
should not go out of the house except for going to the pond for
taking bath. Not even to the patio. And never give a chance for
Thami to see you. Do you understand?”
After that, she has seen Thami
working in the compound many a time. She took care not to be
seen by him; ever. Taking a break at work and resting his hands
on the handle of the hoe, Thami would look at the mansion to get
a glimpse of her. Lakshmi, who would be looking through one of
the windows on the first floor, would hastily retreat. She was
afraid of her master. It was not just fear alone, but a feeling
which she could never figure out. Stories that she heard outside
about her master were really bad. People were afraid of him. But
to her, he was a totally different person; a man she could never
comprehend. She realized with pain that it was distress that she
felt when she thought of the day Thami would be bringing the two
thousand rupees along with the interest amount to take her back.
Immediately her master’s words would ring in her ears, “Do you
think that I will let you go off just like that?” She was not
sure in what sense her master had said that. Is it that she will
not be allowed to go without paying the dues? In that case, if
the amount is paid, will she be sent back? She fervently wished
it not to be. At that same instance the reflection of her
daughter would come in her mind. And she would feel terribly
guiltly to have thought so.
Kanaran
came near the kitchen, called out and handed over a packet. She
opened the packet. Two beautiful dresses, one with red flowers
in blue background and the other with green pictures in yellow
background. There were two undergarments also. Sulu would look
really beautiful in those dresses. She never had such beautiful
dresses to wear.
When Thami brought Sulu to the
kitchen veranda, it was Madhavi who took her in. Seeing Sulu
enter the kitchen holding on to Madhavi’s hand, Lakshmi sobbed
silently. The realization that she had even forgotten her
daughter’s face made Lakshmi
poignant. Sulu was looking at
her mother with surprise. She did not show any sign of
recognition, though. She was looking around; searching for
somebody.
“Dear,
come near me”, she called out to Sulu and embraced her. Sulu
looked at her wondering who this lady could be, who embraced her
with affection. The lady smelled of medicated oil and good
smelling soap. And she was wearing beautiful blouse and dhoti.
Sulu had never in her life seen anyone as beautifully dressed as
her.
Another
mistress came out from inside and stood before her.
“Has
Lakshmi’s daughter come?’” she enquired.
Sulu
stood there really perplexed. It was her mother that she wanted
to see.
Even
while gobbling the food from the plate kept on the floor, she
was wondering. Who are these people!
After
eating, Lakshmi applied scented oil on her body and bathed her
using fragrant toilet soap. When she was about to wear her old
dress, Lakshmi told her. “Mother has bought new dresses for you,
dear.”
Now she
was very happy. It is not only that she got new dresses, but the
knowledge that it was bought by her mother made her happy. Even
while she was getting dressed up in a room inside, she was
searching for somebody. But she stood there unable to muster
enough courage to ask.
Evening shades of the setting sun
fell on the ‘mundakan’
paddy fields. Beyond that vast land, the figures of the maids
returning from the pounding shed could be seen coming out of the
shades of trees and fading on the small ridges of the paddy
field.
Tiny
spots
of fire flared up outside of
those isolated huts spread across the boundaries of the fields.
They must be boiling water for preparing kanji by burning the
dried leaves collected from the yard. In one of those isles of
darkness, Thami waited for his daughter. Kanaran had told him
that master had bought new dresses for her. ‘Your wife is lucky’
Kanaran had told him. ‘Now you don’t get in her way. Through
her, your daughter would also be benefitted.”
Thami didn’t say anything. What can
he say? When can he arrange two thousand rupees along with the
interest amount? He will never be able to
repay
that amount. And Lachmi would never return to the hut.
From a
distance itself Thami could recognize Sulu who was coming along
with a group of maids. She was talking loudly. He lifted his
daughter as she came out of the alley. Those maids handed over
to him the packet containing Sulu’s dress. “She got two pairs of
new dresses” they told him as they hurriedly left the place.
He
kissed her with fondness.
“Did
you see mother?” he asked her.
“Mother!” she said with a bit of a surprise. “I didn’t see
mother.”
“Then,
who was there in the mansion, my dear?”
“There
was a fair mistress and a dark mistress.” She stopped and then
continued “It was that dark mistress who bathed me and dressed
me up. She was very nice to me.”
“That
was your mother, isn’t it?”
“No
Appa. She is the mistress there; the dark mistress.”
Suddenly she stopped talking. She was
thinking. Thami lighted the kerosene lamp. In its faded light he
saw her oiled face.
Sulu
was still thinking.
A
stream of
thoughts passed through her
mind in a jiffy and she could not connect them. Who is that dark
mistress? Why did she behave with so much of affection towards
her? Why did she buy new dresses for her? When she realized that
she was not able to get a satisfactory answer, she asked.
“Appa,
when will my mother be back?”
Translated by: Asokakumar. E
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